Malicious Minds

A lot seem to happen during the past week. We had our Interact Club’s AGM in which we’ve elected our new board of directors for next year. Our way of selecting the new BOD is different from other clubs where they practise democracy whereas we (the past BOD will select the new BOD ourselves with our teacher advisor’s consultation). We decided that for the top four positions (president, v.president, secretary and treasurer), the chosen ones would each get an "appointment letter" in which on the envelope is written the name of the person, inside will be a piece of paper with their new posts.

Kevin got President, Shee Yee got V.President, Sheena got Secretary and Eu Gene got treasurer. Kevin was pretty surprised that he got chosen as President. Haha. Oh well.
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Then on Thursday (I think), I went out with my mom and bro for a little shopping. I saw this really gorgeous pair of heels. Really it is. I begged and begged my mom to get it for me. =D

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Oh and yeah, last night I attended this wedding dinner. Mmm…I love those. I get to dress up and all. It was just the two us, dad and I. We were assigned to this table where there’s this other lady with her kids. She’s from the same hometown as my dad as well, so they got on pretty okay. Then, the bride’s mom came with her boyfriend (she’s divorced). At first he was like 3 seats away from me, then he moved next to me so he could talk better with my dad.

At first I didn’t really mind that all, he talked a lot of funny things and I just laughed along. Lol. The worst part came after he had a few rounds of beer and got a little tipsy. He started calling me "Miss Fok. " (sounds pretty good anyway)

Drunk Uncle, "Ehh Miss Fok , Miss Fok. Uncle tell you ah…handsome boys no use wan. Must be an honest person, if not honest, you can ask him to get lost."

He kept telling me that. And also:

"Excuse me Miss Fok, let me ask you, do you think lying is good? For me, I say no! Honesty is the best policy. You ask me to lie I will feel very hurt."

For like half an hour or so he kept telling me those few things. Everyone at the table was looking at me like "oh, that poor girl."

And the utmost WORST part is near the end during dessert. I took a piece of this "kuih" and after finishing it I put my chopsticks down. Then drunk uncle came:

"Miss Fok, take some more la. That one is good."

I said,

"No thank you Uncle. I am full already"

"You sure or not? Take lah"

"Yes, I’m sure Uncle."

"Sure ah?"

"Yes, Uncle"

"Okay, you say wan ah. Don’t say I didn’t ask you."

"Sure, Uncle."

Silence for a few minutes. Then, suddenly…

He grabbed my chopsticks from the table and took a piece for me. For a split second I thought he was gonna feed me. So I quickly removed my plate from under my bowl and gave it to him.

I was so stuffed then but to be polite I ate it anyway. Half way through, he said:

"Miss Fok, if you’re full don’t finish it."

I was like WTH…you asked me to eat now you say don’t eat.

"Miss Fok! Don’t eat la if you’re full."

I finished it.

Then, thank God my dad decided we should leave already. But before leaving the uncle put his hand around my head and said, "Miss Fok, listen to what Uncle said and take care of yourself okay."

I just smiled and quickly walked out.
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Grrr… that was really scary. I was half afraid he was gonna throw himself all over me. He kept looking at me as I ate and I saw his eyes move lower to God knows where. Ugh. But he’s pretty funny…when he’s not so tipsy. Lol.

Oh well. The wedding was pretty decent with nice food and all…but the place was a little bit cramped. I was expecting it to be huge since it was Tai Thong Restaurant. But nevermind… The bride was really gorgeous though. In a sweet kinda way. 

Sometimes I wonder that like in all these weddings I’ve been to, it is mostly held in Chinese. I wonder when my turn comes, how will it be? Since I’m not really that Chinese-sy. So I started thinking of other potential places for my future wedding.

Mmm…definitely Ritz-Carlton. =P

It’s exactly midnight now. Exactly 47 more days till the final obstacle in high school. The ever dreaded SPM. Why do I dread it? Because:-

(a) I am so not prepared
(b) Despite the fact in (a) I am not doing anything
(c) I am half reluctant to leave high school
(d) I am afraid of the disappointment faced

What disappointment you ask? When I get my results, if I don’t get as what my parents expect me to get, they’ll…I don’t know. I have to talk to them before results day, but that’ll still be a long way from now and I haven’t even sat for SPM.

Sigh. I don’t know why but that has been playing in my mind for the past few days. I think I’m a turned phobic of that matter. =/ I really need to talk to them.

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Anyway, you got your car already. Yay! Mmm hopefully I get to go have dinner with you tonight. =)

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Other blog updated here:- http://simplyintricated.blogspot.com

Mmm looks good? I made that today for lunch. Tasted okay for my first time trying out the recipe. It’s composed of potatoes, cheese, milk, a pinch of salt, dash of black pepper and I added something else on my own - Oregano leaves. Recipe here:

Medium sized potato - cubed
Mlik - as much as needed (just estimate)
Slice of Cheese (actually Parmesan cheese was require but my mom wouldn’t buy them for me)
Pinch of salt
Dash of black pepper
A sprinkle of Oregano leaves (optional)

1. I used 1 medium sized potato for myself. I cut them into little cubes so it has bigger surface area. (some chemistry thingy)

2. Boil them in enough water to cover them. This one takes a while about 15 minutes I think. If you have a pressure cooker use that first to soften the potatoes.

3. Add in cheese, milk, salt, and black pepper.

4. Serve with baguette/bread if you have. Sprinkle with a bit of Oregano leaves if you wish.

There simple enough to be arranged into 4 steps. If you like cheesey creamy stuff you would definitely love this. =D

Spent two hours on this and you loving it so much made it worth it. =D

***mmm Friendster blog don’t support animated .gif files. =.=

Oh well here’s the link to it: A Little Something For You (size approximately 102k)

On the surface I might seem like a nice and sweet humble girl. Also not forgetting the innocent look permanently plastered on my face that contributes to people’s first impression of me. My peers, teachers, friend’s parents always have this image of me being really innocent and naive. Sometimes I wonder how shocked they’ll get if they do find out what’s really running through my mind.

Like during exams, the free time we get after finishing each paper, I’ll sit there, glassy-eyed with some inadvisable and inappropriate thoughts in my head. I won’t reveal them here, it would make me vulnerable to all kinds of insults and slander. But that’s not really what I hate about myself. It’s just something that’s really contrasting to what people think of me.

What I really detest about myself, firstly and foremost, is how I get really annoyed and peeved when I don’t get what I want. An example like let’s say I want to go out alone to meet a friend in someplace. In the first place I know that I shouldn’t be doing that and can predict what my mom would say. But I’d still ask her just for the sake of asking. Then, when she really says "NO", I’d get real annoyed and mad. I don’t know why. It’s like I understand why she would say that but the reason for me getting mad is because I don’t get it my way. I sound like a really spoiled person don’t I? Throwing tantrums when my whims and fancies don’t get attended to, twisting my words to subdue people and so on.

Another thing that I can’t stand about myself which is somewhat similar to the one above, is how I want to have a say in certain things. And even if what I have to say is wrong I would try so hard to make it sound right that in the end I’d end up embarrassing myself. Call me hard-headed or stubborn. I’ve never been like that years ago before I realised my true potential of being able to think like this. It annoys people especially myself. Sometimes I hate how I act in front others.

Next, I hate losing to others. I think there’s this saying which goes along the lines of claiming one’s horse is always bigger than the others. I always always always have to be the best in something. Not everything, just certain things that I know that I’m good at. For instance, writing. I get really disappointed when I don’t get a near perfect score and I get really hard on myself until it almost damages my self-confidence. I can’t stand seeing others better than me at that and I get really disturbed by it to a point I would push myself so hard to be better. I know some would say that it’s good. That’s what really drives a person to do well. But the things is, I hate the feeling I get. I don’t really know how to describe it either, it’s just a really uneasy and unsettled feeling I get.

I believe there is a small part present in everyone that they wouldn’t favour. Or perhaps there may be real egotistical people who have such an inflated idea of themselves that they overlook their personal flaws.

At least I know my mistakes and am trying to rectify it. I guess that stands as the difference between me and them.

Currently listening to: Secret by Jay Chou (I’ll explain later on why I’m listening to this)

Actually we were not really involved in this event as it was to be handled by the Form 4 members of Interact Club. But we ended up doing preparing the games and stuff. I was mainly in charge of the games. We got ready 3 games. One was to try to fish coins with your bare hands from a cooler box of ice. This was the popular game. You had to pick 3 coins and out of the 3 coins 2 of them had to be 20 cent coins. Sound easy? Well it’s pretty easy larh but 5 seconds into the box and your hand goes numb. I’m serious.

Then we had this other game of using chopsticks to pick nuts and rice. Well I thought it would be hard because I couldn’t pick them up when I tried but haha I forgot that the students at school are more Chinese-sy than I am. So yeah this one was pretty easy for them. Next we had another game of trying to aim 3 coins into a cup inside a pail of water from a certain height. This one was moderate, pretty easy if you don’t get tricked by the illusion of the light against the cup.

These games were mainly organised for the remove class students as Sir Willeam invited them to join us. So the major problem was communication. Krystine and I were having a pretty tough time trying to explain to them how to play the game. In case you don’t know, I’m not very fluent in Chinese neither is Krystine. So we had to use a mixture of BM, English and sign language. Lol. They must be laughing at us for being such pathetic bananas.

At first no one wanted to play the games but once one person started, a whole bunch came. And most of the times they did win so yeah had to give something to them. Some of got bored of getting presents and didn’t want them anymore. Lol.

Before that we actually had performances. We had someone play the traditional chinese instrument (that long board with strings stretched across it), dance performances by my brother and some other students who took part in the High School Musical 2: My School Rocks Dance Competition (ugh), and performance by Shi Rui’s band.

Shi Rui’s band (lol you can’t see the drummer though, a little short =P) played Secret by Jay Chou. That’s why it’s on replay in my WMP. Everyone is like so crazy over this song now and I thought I haven’t heard it but then I found out I already had this song way back in July =P.

Secret played by Shi Rui’s band

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Watching Shi Rui’s band play reminded me of how much I suck at music. Since I was really little I really really wanted to play some musical instrument. I’ve tried countless times trying to learn but it never works. So I guess I’m stuck being musically challenged.

Oh well. But I find guys who play musical instruments hot. Like really HOT. Hehe. I think like for me I have an eye for guitarists (electric), Jega prefers the drummers, CM would melt all over the feet of the guy with an acoustic guitar and Krys hmm I’m not sure.

So yeah, that’s one of the reasons why I’m so into YOU right now. =D
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I’m feeling a bit emo tonight. Because …

you. are. not. here.

I always get like this when you’re not here. Grr… *stabs self*

I’m listening to Jay Chou’s songs again. Oh my gawdddd… I can’t remember the last time I listened to him. It reminds me of how I was sooo crazy over him. Things have changed so much =/.

Ahh…I’m really getting emo-er by every second of Jay’s songs. And I can’t stop listening to them. Ugh. What’s becoming of me. (>.<) Mmm I’m gonna go let myself sink in this Chinese-sy emo wave. Goodnight.

Today I went for a funeral. It was my dad’s aunt who died at a 100 years old. Before today I’ve only seen her a few times and it’s usually during Chinese New Year. If I were to judge her from those few times we met I would say she was a kindly old lady with a good word for everyone. =/

The funeral was a Chinese one. One thing I don’t like about Chinese funerals is because it’s really lengthy with lots of superstitious traditions. I’ve been through a Chinese funeral and a Christian one for both my grandmothers. I have to say that the Christian one is much easier and simple.

Anyway, today when we were kneeling down in front of the chanting nun I started thinking. You know those people that comes to help set up the canopy and stuff for a funeral? Well I was wondering that since these people have to go through funerals almost everyday, do they feel any indifference towards death? They wake up everyday with the thought, "Oh, today I have to set up another funeral just like any other day." It becomes like some sort of daily routine for them, preparing a funeral. So does that make them immune towards death? Have death become something so normal and ordinary for them?

I just wonder …

Then that led me to thinking about something else. Me. How I feel towards the loss of someone close. The thing is I can get really emo sometimes and actually cry but in real life and death situations I can’t cry. It’s not that I don’t care or don’t want to. I do, but I just can’t. Like when both my grandmothers passed away, I saw everyone crying especially my mom. I wanted to cry to, to show that I too care. But I couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s bad or mean to feel this way but when I lose someone to death, it’s like I don’t want to believe or think about it. I don’t want to let it sink into me that I’ve loss someone. I choose to believe that that person has just gone away for a while.

I don’t know how to explain this. It’s like I choose to not want to think about the loss. And the loss I’m talking about is death, not the loss of a boyfriend to another girl. That one can really make me cry. But death…it doesn’t, maybe it’s because I never thought that I would lose that person and I’m still believing that one day that person will still come back.

For the first few weeks after my maternal grandmother passed away, I was still alright. Later on only then I started to feel the loss. Even now. Sometimes I think I’m unconsciously blocking out the thoughts of sadness and sorrow of losing someone because I don’t want to feel the grief. It’s like I’m unknowingly saving myself from totally breaking down from the realisation that I will never see that person again.

For a while I still did things that I did when my grandmother was still alive. Like I kept taking five spoons out for dinner when there was only four of us now. Then I would realise what I did and just stand there for a moment letting it wash over me. But then almost immediately I would dismiss it to prevent myself from falling into the bottomless pit of grief. Why do I do that? I don’t know. It makes me seem like a heartless and apathetic person who doesn’t care about who dies or lives.

But I do… I do feel the grief and sorrow. The thing is I just can’t cry.