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Without my music on, the silence is so deafening, almost perforating my eardrums. I sit here idle in front of my monitor. an unmoving blank look on my face and the only movements I make are the pressing of the keys on my keyboard with my fingers. More than once I just stop typing and listen.
I listen to the sound of my fan blades spinning, the motor of my air-conditioner whirring, the sound of dishes clink from my neighbor’s house, the insects cricking outside and the almost audible pounding of my head.
My eyes sweep around the field of vision that’s visible from where I’m sitting now, inspecting the little things we ignore most of the times - like dust. I look at its shape, its minute size … its lightness. I bring my face closer to it and blow softly. It flew off at such a speed that in a blink of an eye, it disappeared. I touch it lightly with my finger, it dissipates ever so lightly but when I lift finger, there’s a clear round circle that’s clean of dust. At the slightest blow, lightest touch, - it’s gone. Just like life.
It’s been half an hour and here I am in the same exact position. My head is still pounding. I’m breathing so softly and slowly, I can’t even hear the sound of my breath in this silence. Although my room is only like 10 feet away from my parent’s, it feels isolated. So away from the rest of the world. So distant.
It’s dark outside. So invitingly dark. I’m tempted to go out and walk the partially lit streets staring at the sky above. Watching and counting the stars and wishing that you were here with me.
It feels lonely. Your absence does play a part in that but that’s only the cofactor. The larger part is due to another reason. I do wish I could do something about it. But sadly, I can’t. =/
Tonight, for the first time in a long time, I am emo.
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And I just had a deja vu. I get those sometimes. It’s exactly like how I dreamt it.
It’s definitely a weird night.
