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The past few months for me has been so much more eventful than any other times in my life that I can recall. Never have I ever imagined that so much would have happened. I thought that this would be yet another year of nothing but school stuff for me. But I was so wrong.
Hmm wait…last year was a bit less boring but hurtful though. =/ The end of last year was a very important point of my life. It was the transition of me from being a little girl to someone who’s somewhat more mature. Thoughts erupted from all over my mind making it a very shambolic place. But I think recently it has toned down a little. I guess I only think too much when I’m "emo". I haven’t been "emo" in a while. Well maybe a little now, but not in a bad sense. Just "emo" enough to start wondering about stuff.
So yeah, whatever happened this year helped me understand certain things in life better. Not all that happened was good, there were some that hurt. Like how I lost someone whom have stuck around with me for the longest time. It’s mainly my own fault for saying things I shouldn’t have. But I can’t take them back, what’s done is done. Well some might say that just reverse the actions. In this case, it cannot be done.
The good stuff isn’t entirely good though. At least well it was good for me. But for the others it wasn’t. I wish it didn’t happen in that way where I’m stuck with no clue to alleviate their pain. There was a point where I was certain that I would lose everyone. I could not tolerate even the thought of it so I grabbed the one who was nearest to me at the moment.
That was a mistake. A rash decision. Impulsive actions.
I learnt through that to appreciate what I had before and not try to possess everything. Because I can never have everything. And I am content with what I have now =).
You’re probably wondering why is the title ‘I Scare Me’. Well I’m not trying to flatter myself in a more subtle way or anything but I am scared by how much I am capable of affecting people. At my moments of self-introspection I often wonder what is it in me that some people see. I know I’m a little weird and unlike others mostly in thoughts but that’s all. And this is also not seen at first glance.
I think that explains why only some people manage to see me as a different person. They took the time to unveil that outer sheath. They got to know how I can really be. Which is a good thing because I wouldn’t have to be careful about accidentally revealing the other side.
You told me I’m more than meets the eye. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. It can be good in a way that I’m more than what your eyes see. But in a bad way it can mean that people will only know the real person if they took time to do that. =S Oh well.
But I’m glad that those few people I have now took the time to know me. Especially you who noticed so many little things about me that I never knew. Sometimes I get weirded out by how you notice the little details in me. And how you know what I’m thinking just by the look in my eyes. I’m glad you stuck around this long for me. =)
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Hey! After listening to the whole of Halifax’s album, the emo-ness went away. Hehe. Pretty emo sounding songs. Mmm I can smile and be merry again. =D
