Malicious Minds

Went out on Monday with my girls to watch Pirates of The Caribbean 3. It was awesome no doubt but I hated the ending. It’s like really unfair. Grr…oh well. Movies are like that. They love making sad endings. Mmm I cried a bit during the movie, was really heartbreaking at some parts. And yeah, we got really sucky seats, right by the sides (>.<). Gonna watch it again sometime this week JY and Jega.

So erm…I got new heels. Gorgeous white ones. Been eyeing it for some time.

Hehe. Sexy ain’t it? =P

We spent some time in Sub trying on dresses that we’ll never buy.

Grrr…as I was about to upload the third picture…it says I’ve reached my 50 photos limit. Argh. Oh well.  Nevermind then. Satisfy your eyes on these two pictures. =P
————————————————————————————————-
I started writing this a couple of days ago, finished it today.

I
was always afraid to tread the deep waters
I
would stand by the edge, contemplating
And
wait for someone greater
To
show me that the depth meant nothing

Time
was slowly dissipating because of me
I
didn’t have the courage, I was cowardly
But
then you appeared on the other side, oh so sublime
Awed
I was, I couldn’t be bothered to cross carefully

It
was only half the distance, when I stopped
The
image of you was starting to fade
I
tried to go back but I was trapped
It
was either my life or you to trade 

Confusion
pulsed through my mind
The
rain clouds were gathering overhead
I
looked into the sky, “Oh God, please be kind”
When
I looked back, I was filled with dread 

You
were gone, vanished without a trace
Where’d
you go? Why’d you leave?
Almighty
God, spare me your grace
Don’t
leave me alone to grieve  

Seconds
seemingly like hours passed
Still
I was confused between choices
And
I thought that this fear will be surpassed
But
it was drowning me, those voices 

I’m
withdrawing myself, it’s no use
The
image of you has faded altogether
It’s
a useless pursuit that I have to defuse
I’m
letting this slide to the regions nether

Now
I stand again by the edge, waiting
For
the one whose aura so dazzling
Will
leave me desiring and wanting
So
here I stand to wait for his calling

One of my "raw" poems. Meaning I didn’t really edit much of it. Written during the extra time I had in one of my exam papers.

I shudder, I tremble, I shiver
Right down to my liver
I’m suffocating, I’m gasping, I’m wheezing
As I struggle to go on breathing

You play, you rip, you torment
Trapping me in a current
You laugh, you tease, you curse
Leaving me with this thirst

I surrender, I relinquish, I lost
For my soul has died and I am nothing but a ghost
I weep, I sob, I cry
Till my tears run dry

You’re heartless, you’re cold, you’re dead
My body is numb with the fear and dread
You’re smirking, you’re grinning, you’re evil
I have been sent a devil

This is how it works, I put my WMP on shuffle and click next for each question given.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY ?
Risque (Cute Is What We Aim For)

WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
American Idiot (Green Day) [lolz]

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Someday We’ll Know (Mandy Moore ft Jonathan Foreman)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Thanks For The Memories (Fall Out Boys)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Drones (Rise Against)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
When It’s Over (Sugar Ray)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Miss You Nights (Cliff Richard) [doesn't make sense]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Any Other World (Mika) [err...is that good or bad?]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The Anthem (Good Charlotte)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS?
I Will Always Return (Bryan Adams) [aww...thats so sweet]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Unholy Confessions (Avenged Sevenfold) [oh my god...]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Poetry In Motion (Bobby Vee) [err...]

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Blinded In Chains (Avenged Sevenfold) [uhh...that's not definitely not good]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
One Step Closer (Linkin Park) [hmm ...]

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Angel’s Son (Sevendust) [hmm...that's not bad]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Colourblind (Darius Danesh)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Atrophy (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) [omg that is definitely bad]

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
I’m Not Okay (I Promise) (My Chemical Romance) [hmm..fear of being not okay?]

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Vulnerable (Secondhand Serenade) [partially true...]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Save The Best For Last (Vanessa Williams) [aww...]

Today Zach and I were having a nice little emo chat and we reached a part where we talked about the past and and how we enjoy times spent in solitude. I don’t know why but the moment we hit the subject of spending time alone reflecting our thoughts, I got all emo and disturbed. It kept bothering me all throughout tuition and dinner, all I felt like doing then was to lock myself in my room and waste the night away on my thoughts.

It’s been a while since I felt like this. And I admit it that I miss times like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no emo freak but I enjoy being all consumed by my emotions and thoughts and all. I wouldn’t say that I’m depressed right now, I just feel…disconnected from the rest of the world. Like I’m in my own world. And I don’t hate it. I’m letting myself sink deeper into the dark abyss. I’m embracing it, I’m letting the thoughts and emotions drown me.

I’m a person who enjoys solitude. I treasure all the moments I have to myself. Being away from the rest of the world, being away from reality. Keeping people out from my phantasmagoric reality. A place where only I matter, where the only thing that counts is me. Throughout the years, I’ve learnt to value myself more than others. Call me selfish or conceited but I will always put myself first. It’s what you learn after always putting others ahead of you and you don’t get anything back. I don’t like depending on others nor do I like others depending on me too much. I truly dislike it when people come to me for help when they never even tried hard enough. If you really know me, you will notice that I never turn to others for help if I can help it.

Like when someone asks me for help and I ask why can’t he do it himself, if he says, "I feel lazy and don’t know how to do, so please help me do it". It would be an immediate NO. I get frustrated at people like this. Sometimes I’m shocked that they even dare to ask. It’s the "lazy" word that really gets to me. At least if you say that you have tried but still cannot understand then I’ll be happy to help. I don’t know why people do that to me all the time. Maybe it’s because I was soft before, I gave in to the requests of others easily. But that was prior to this.

Anyway, so this is what I mean by isolating myself from the rest of the world and spend time thinking. I like analyzing why people act the way they act. Like what causes them to do so and if they didn’t how would the outcome be like.

Hmm you know when’s one of my favourite times to zone out on others? During car rides. I would just stare out of the window, looking at things and people outside. That is one of the reasons why I love long car rides too. I get to have people around me but at the same time am able to dig deep into my thoughts and emotions. Somehow that is comforting because if I feel like I’ve delve too deep I can resurface and not feel too alone.

Oh well. I think I’ve spent too much time writing on my thoughts and emotions.  I should be studying instead. But like I said at times like this I just don’t care about what’s outside the boundary of my room. Sigh. It is at times like this when I feel closest to myself. I have no idea why am I this way. I’m a little weird I know. But I suppose this is what makes the diversity of society. Everyone has a distinct character regardless whether they choose to display it or not.

Right, I’m signing off. Got to get back to the outside world. No matter how much I would love to stay in my isolated world, somehow reality manages to breach the gates to my world. Gotta study for chemistry. =S

Goodnight.

Listening to: Nikki Don’t Stop by Low Millions (i love the way he sings my name =P)

Dew drops shimmering in the
night

Butterflies dancing harmoniously
in the moonlight

“Take my hand,” you say

“I will lead the way”

A sweet melody floats in the air

The wind ever so lightly blowing
your hair

I wrap my fingers around yours

“Take me to what lies behind
those closed doors”

Midnight

stars twinkling way up above

White sands shining on the cove

You held me in your arms, in
your haven

Together we soar right to heaven

Darkness weaves in and out with
the fireflies

The air filled with unknown silent
cries

“For eternity, this is,” you
promise

And forever it will be until my
sweet demise.

—————————————————————————————————–

The
nefarious sweetness

It
gives you weakness

Those
lusty eyes

Like
invisible daggers of ice

So
close you can almost feel

I’ll
give you more than you can deal

The
electrifying thrill

Oh no,
this is not a drill

You
want it, you desire

You
need it so much, oh so dire

You’re
in a trance

You’re
begging for just one chance

I’ll
lead you further

Tempting
you more altogether

By my
side you shall always linger

For I’ve
got you wrapped around my finger

Currently listening to: Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Time: 2.22 pm

Odd time to go on holiday most would say. But oh well, already went and came back. Spent four days and three nights in Bangkok. First day before leaving for airport, got my period. Sigh. First few days in Bangkok was PMS-ing to so badly. Practically bit everybody’s head off. Got irritated at the slightest mistakes. (>.<) Feeling a little guilty now. Oh well.

We left the country at around 6.45pm.

After takeoff, I was settling myself nicely in when suddenly they announced "Will the passenger Hui Lyn please stand up and talk to one of our cabin crews?". I was like, huh? Was that me? I looked around to see no one else standing so I supposed it really was me. So I got up and made my way to the back where one of the crews was waiting to see me. Everyone had their eyes on me, I was thinking wether maybe my eyeliner or mascara got smudged. It turned out that they only wanted to see my boarding pass…weird, thought they’d already check earlier. Oh well.

So after a while I got bored of looking at the clouds. I asked my mom for a piece of paper and pen. And I wrote this:

What if there was no tomorrow?
But only yesterday
Would that black crow
Or that little man of clay
Be the same way it was?
Would the love you gave
Become something imagined and false
Would you say those exact words
Laced and intertwined with such emotions
Ever to me again?
Would you die for me once more
And not cry out in pain
But whisper words of comfort to me
Oh, my fallen knight
Let me be the one to heal those wounds,
You suffered for me
Let me hear you call my name
In moments of anger, sorrow and pleasure
Let me stay forever the rose in your heart
Today, tomorrow and yesterday.

Also I wrote another on the back of a Sushi King receipt.

Black,
The color of the sleepless nights
The expression of death
The color of me

Black,
The intensity of my emotions
The taste of you
The hate raging inside

Black,
You painted my heart black
And now I dwell in darkness

Alone.

Kinda dark and emo, huh?  Oh well. So by the time we got there it was 8 something, Bangkok time. We were starving, we haven’t had anything since lunch. And my lunch consisted of only meat buns. We came out from the hotel at around 9pm. We intended to eat at one of the shopping complexes. But here’s the thing, it was at night and we had no idea where to go. So since everyone else didn’t know they blindly followed me.

I led them to the opposite direction. Haha. I really didn’t know where I was going and everyone else just followed me. We ended up having dinner at this restaurant by the road. It turned out to be pretty good actually, we went back there during our third day in Bangkok.

We stayed at the restaurant till around 11pm because it was raining. The next day, we got up early around 6.00am (which is 7.00am in KL). We took a train to this market called Chatuchak.

I like their trains. Very much faster and spacious than what we have here. But one disadvantage is that their train routes are pretty short. Only around the heart of the city.

I read on the Internet that it’s possible to get practically anything in this Chatuchak market. And it’s true! They were selling animals there too! Puppies, kittens, sugar gliders, birds and all sorts.

They have about 1000 stalls there. We didn’t wander off far, stuck around the clothes, accessories and handicraft sections only. During my second visit to the market I had something called Phud Thai for lunch and mmm it was so good. Don’t know if they have it here.

One of my main purposes to Bangkok was to shop and shop and shop. But sigh was greatly disappointed. The shopping complexes there…I think KL ones are waaaay much better. Not that they don’t have clothes, but not much choices. But I still did manage to get a few. Got two skirts, one white and one denim from MNG. A couple of T-shirts from Roxy and mmm yeahhh got My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boys T-shirts!

Oooh yeah…I got a bikini too.

There were about three main shopping complexes there, Siam Paragon, Siam Discovery Center and MBK Mall. Siam Paragon is like KLCC (but KLCC better) and MBK Mall is like Sungei Wang (ugh).  Some pics here:

On our last day in Bangkok, we followed a tour to go to the floating market and several other places. I was a little scared of going to the floating market as I don’t really fancy sitting in a narrow boat going across a river. And to make matters worse, it started raining. Not just a drizzle but heavy enough to get soaked. Good thing that they provided each of us an umbrella on the boat but we still got wet.

Haha my mom insisted that I took a picture while on the boat. Couldn’t care less how I looked.

Oh yeah…during one night there we went to the Siam Ocean World. I expected to see more stuff in it…but hmm nothing outstanding. Most have seen before.

Spongebob! I found it him in one of the aquariums 

Fishes in a fridge

Lol. I just remembered something. We were in the airport and at the baggage check counter. For our line we had this kinda cute-looking Thai guy. When our time came, we went up to the counter and my bro said I was staring at him with huge unblinking dreamy eyes. Haha. I didn’t realise it myself. Don’t know wether my bro was just pulling my leg. Oh well.

You believe in fate, do you? Haha. Well…guess what? I saw Ashraf Sinclair again. This time he was on the same plane with me. Can you believe that? Haha. There were several local celebs as well I think though I don’t know their names. Real coincidental don’t you think? He looks skinnier. During collection of luggage back in KL I was standing right beside him. I didn’t dare look at him but I noticed him looking down at my heels. I was screaming in my head saying, "Don’t look at my legs! I might have missed a few spots when I was shaving" Lolz. Silly. But I think he kinda noticed me looking at him earlier. We had to wait quite a while for our luggage to come but after that we went separate ways. Hmm…but I think I’ll be seeing him soon again. =P

(P.S Sorry to those who have been waiting for an update. I’ve been busy lately and even busier now with my exams. But it’ll be over by the end of next week then I’ll be able to find free time to blog again)