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I feel bad. I feel the guilt. And I feel sick now. I’ve just looked through the pictures I took today and my face’s all scrunched up in revulsion. Eww…I can’t believe that I actually did that to the poor thing. I killed a frog. And not only that, I cut it open. I tore off its skin and sliced through his muscles just to see its dead lungs and poor heart still beating. God…I’ve started crying again. I’ll never be a good doctor. Not that I want to be one.
Some of us girls were crying today when we had to put the frog to sleep. It just looked so…helpless. I remember looking into its eyes one last time before it had to die. It just stared right back at me with no clue that I was the one who would kill it. And watching it struggle against the chloroform…I just…started tearing up. I tried really hard not to be emotional. Really I did. But I couldn’t do it. It’s just not me.
We felt better after crying though. Maybe crying for it made us feel less evil. No doubt it was an interesting experiment, but it’s gonna take a while for me to get over it. I’m not one who can stand watching anything helpless being tortured or killed. It’s just too cruel. Sarah brought a white mouse and we urged her not to dissect it but in the end, our teacher insisted that we should. So the poor thing was sliced open mercilessly by our Biology teacher. I didn’t watch her do it though, I couldn’t, not without crying again.
There was sick, sick guy. He’s just so…ooohhh! He wanted to dig the frog’s eyes out. And he burst the frog’s heart and lungs. It wasn’t only him who did those things…some other boys too. I don’t know how can anyone be that cruel. Already you killed the frog, so just let is be as it is. Why pull off its leg or tear out his insides? Ugh…sick people.
During the begininng of the dissection, my hand was shaking pretty hard enough to prevent me from holding the forceps steadily. I just couldn’t bring myself to make the first incision. Several guys came up and saw my hand shaking and gave me a little help. Sigh. I’m still crying over it.
There was one thing that I really couldn’t do. I didn’t even want to try. We had to pin the frog’s limbs onto the dissecting tray with little nails. I really CANNOT stand that. It disturbs me very badly. We had the boys do that for us. I don’t have much problem cutting it up, but piercing its legs with nails? No, thank you.
Anyway, about the pictures. I don’t know if I should post it. It feels cruel to do so. I think I’ll just post the last picture when it’s all cut open.
Sad. (>.<)
