Chocolate and wine…and more wine…and even more wine!
Don’t you just love the feeling you get when you had more than your fair share of wine?? Mmm…that warm fuzzy feeling… That wonderful tingling sensation… The high you get from each mouthful you take… The silly giggles that emit from your mouth during weird moments… Ooooh… I just loveeee it! I just wish I had more wine with me now…preferably chilled white ones… There’s not a drop left in the bottle. I shouldn’t have given so much to my brother (>.<)
And what more? There’s chocolate to add! Mmm…I had a Twix bar just now and now I’m gonna have one of those luscious Kinder Buenos. Mmmmm…every bite is sooooo….captivatinggggg…. Haha… If only there was a guy here… Ooops….my tongue slipped.. 
Haha… I should probably gooo…before I accidentaly say some things here that I will regret later… Hehe.. Nightz… And Happy New Year 2007! And yeah…I’ll post my New Year’s Resolution tomorrow when I’m much more sober… =P Goodnight! Hello 2007!
Questions…
Do you ever wonder why you are the way you are now? Or why you have your own strengths and weaknesses? And others have their own? And like why can’t you have their strength or why you were given that weakness? Do you think it’s possible to turn that weakness into a strength in you? If possible, then how? Do you hate yourself for the weaknesses you have? Have you reached a certain point where you get so angry at yourself for being so weak that you just want everything to end? Do you sit down and ask yourself if you’re happy? Or maybe the things you do aren’t making you happy, it’s because you’re scared so that’s why you do it? Letting fear trick you into thinking that you’re making yourself happy but instead you’re only feeding it? Or maybe what you’re doing isn’t for yourself but you’re conforming to the majority? In other words, maybe we’re doing it to impress others because we’re afraid that we won’t fit in? Would it be hard to change that? To breakaway from the majority of people and live by your own rules? And learn not to be ashamed of yourself but of the people who laugh at you? How do I stand tall and square my shoulders and tell the world that I don’t care what other people think? That I would stop doing anything that’s destroying myself because I was afraid of standing alone while everyone else is following the crowd? Should I value myself more than others? Is it okay to be selfish at times? Do you think it’s stupid to keep lying to yourself when you already know what’s real and you’re giving in only because you’re afraid to face the truth? Like for example, you slit your wrists because it feels good to see blood oozing out which in a way comforts you into thinking that it’s all your pain and anger that’s oozing out and to hurt the others around you when deep down you know you’re only hurting yourself more and not others? Why do we do that? Does it ease the pain away? Or does it only push you deeper into darkness? Why am I like this? How can I be so young and have so many thoughts going through my mind? Why can’t I be like others? Why can’t I just be a little more nonchalant about certain things in life? Why do I bother so much about the little things? Why can’t I just sit back and enjoy what I have in front of me and not wonder what more I can get that’s hidden from my view? Why do I keep doing the same mistake? How do I stand up for myself and tell myself that it is not worth it to continue destroying myself because I am afraid of being alone? And why do I keep repeating the same questions when I already know what needs to be done? Is it because of my fears? Am I too cowardly to face it? Am I afraid of what awaits me when I’m left to walk alone in the dark? Do I envy what other people have that I don’t? If so, why do I need to be envious when I know deep down I’m better off not having what wasn’t given to me? Am I ready to take the first step? Would it be the right thing to do? Would I regret it? Would I give in to it like every other time?
No. Not this time. With all that being said, I have to put aside my fears and do what’s right for myself. I will not condone all the self abuse I’ve been doing to myself anymore. It has to stop. No point repeating the same old mistake everytime. So believe me, this is all going to change.
I already know what’s the first thing that needs to be done and even if it all fails and I still give in to my fears. At least I tried right? =)
Beautiful Mistake
Perhaps one day we can sit down
And talk about why the one given to me was you
Or why even though you’re such a clown
And say things that neither of us have a clue
You still remain my most favourite person
Hurt, tears, anger have been with me
Since the day we stumbled upon each other
Sometimes I wish I could be free
From all those things that came with you, or rather
Free from you
But my heart wouldn’t allow it
It hurt too much to even think
Of losing you, even though you’re such a git
So now standing on the brink
All I have left to say is that
You’re my beautiful mistake.
-written by someone whom i know very well and very close with
Spring Cleaning!!!
It’s the time of the year again. Time for spring cleaning. Every year end my mom always insist to sit down with us and give our rooms a thorough clean-out. But this year I told her I wanted to do it myself. I like doing these kinda things alone. It gives me time away from people so I can think. A lot of stuff goes through my mind all the time. Some people might say I think too much but I enjoy it. Like I love to analyse every detail in a situation I’ve just gone through or about anything. Haha well…but sometimes when I think too much it affects me emotionally or psychologically or whatever. So I guess that’s not too good either.
But anyway as I was just saying, I cleaned my room today. By myself. Though in the end I had my mom help me ‘coz I started having little emotional breakdowns. My room was in such a mess…I brought out all my old stuff and just left it lying about on my bed or the floor and that resulted in me being surrounded by old junk and hardly any free space to sit down. I didn’t know what to do with them so I started getting hysterical and emotional. So I would just sit there and start sobbing to myself. Lol. I know it sounds silly but that’s me when I’m in a situation like that. It gave me a headache and all I wanted to do was lie down and close my eyes but I couldn’t even see my bed under all the rubbish I’ve accumulated over the years. That only made me feel worse…I kept wandering from piles of junk to another pile unable to decide what to do with them. *sigh* I cannot stand being in the presence of such a mess…I wonder how does my brother do that in his room. Oh well…guess I’ll never know.
I spent about 5 hours cleaning my room today…including a few short emotional breakdowns I had. And I’m not finished cleaning yet. (>.<) Still have the compartment behind my bed and a few drawers left. Whew…didn’t know I had that much rubbish in my room. Lolz. Now I have a lot of empty storage space. Just enough to store the next few years’ rubbish. Hehe.
But anyway next year I’m gonna change my bedroom set…so there’ll be more space I think. And I’m gonna paint my walls…any idea how and what color I should paint? Let me know what you have in mind. I’ll have to start planning how I want it to be. That’ll be fun. Hehe.
So while I was cleaning my room today I found some old stuff of mine. And I wrote some things inside that makes me go "oh my god…was I that lame last time?" when I read them now. There was one about my first crush in secondary school. I wrote that I crashed into him that day after assembly and that I hoped he noticed me and bla bla bla. Eww…I can’t believe that I actually wrote that down. But it was nice to read them again…brings back memories. I found lotsa stuff I had back when I was in primary school. Makes me feel nostalgic. Miss my old school (>.<) … and my previous schoolmates. Lost contact with many of them…only a few ones whom I still talk to.
But put that aside, today was actually the day my brother had a hiphop performance. Unfortunately though, none of us could go watch him. My dad had to give his classes, my mom don’t have her car right now as it’s been sent to the workshop. So I could only guess that my brother was kinda disappointed that none of us could go watch him. My dad too felt sorry that he couldn’t make it and to make up for that he took all of us out for dinner including my brother’s two girl friends. (I don’t get why though…my dad doesn’t mind my bro having girlfriends and all butfor me he’s more strict…oh well) Anyway, he took us for steamboat and at first I didn’t really look forward to it ‘coz I don’t exactly enjoy steamboat-ing. But my mind changed the moment I stepped into the restaurant. 1) The place was very well furnished and decorated and the location was good…it wasn’t in a building, it was overlooking the highway and railway tracks…it had a nice view at night. and 2) There were a few cute guys working there =P. The food was good too. All of us ordered the same thing for some reason. Tomyam soup and it was really good. I wish I could bring some home. Lolz. I like the way they served us and we get our own little pots instead of everyone sharing a big one. Each of us had one pot in this compartment where we can heat it up. So that makes it better, we can choose to heat it up whenever we want to and we can cook whatever we want first. They brought us each a big platter filled with noodles, chicken meat, fish meat, prawns, cuttlefish, veggies, quill eggs , a few pieces of abalone and lotsa other stuff which I don’t know the name. I managed to snap some pics here:
The huge serving they gave to each of us
My pot of soup in the heating compartment
Looking at it is making me hungryyy…
Mmm…I can still smell the aroma of the soup…sooo goood… =D
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Oooh yeah! I forgot to mention…I finally got a new phone to replace my stolen phone which I still dearly miss. Hehe. I got the phone which I wanted. The Motorola RAZR V3x. I know a lot of people would ask me why did I choose Motorola…well I like Motorola and the fact that it’s very easy the modify. Hehe. I got a hot pink one…it was on promotion for X’mas, the price was cut beyond expectations so how could I ever resist such a great offer?!
I’ve only had it for like 2 days and I’ve modded it as much as I can. There were a few times I did something wrong and everything went blank…so I had a fair number of scares and panic. But I’m really satisfied by it especially by the screen…it’s really sharp and bright…couldn’t have asked for more. =D Hmm…I took a few pictures of my phone:
There…all the pictures I’ve taken of my new phone. My newest addition. It’s hot and slick and sexy isn’t it ? =P
It has a huge screen resolution of 240 x 320 with 262k colors. Two cameras, one on the inside and the other on the outside. The internal one is for video calls. External one has macro lens. I tried to take some pictures using macro and normal. Here are the differences:
Using normal mode
Using macro mode
The camera’s quality isn’t too bad. It’s pretty good given that the lighting conditions are good. But I don’t really expect that much from a camera in a phone. If you want better quality, better go get a camera.
Well…it’s Christmas eve already and I’ve got to go to this gathering tomorrow at my cousin’s place in Country Heights. I should probably go get some sleep…really tired out today by all the cleaning I did. Haha. Nights and Happy Christmas. And new year =(. I hate it that time flies.
After the District 3300 Interact Conference 06/07
Wooo…that was one great experience. It was great great GREAT! Plus all the hot guys there…you’ll just want to melt right there and then. Well…actually the hot looking ones (guys) are mostly the Rotractors and the foreign exchange students. There were about 9 foreign students. Two guys from Germany, two girls and a guy from Brazil, one guy from Mexico, two girls from Japan and one girl from Switzerland. The hot guys are the guy from Mexico, I think his name is Cristian and one guy from Germany, his name is Karl. The Brazilian girls are hot looking too.
On the first day I’ll admit that I wasn’t actually loving it that much. I was actually wishing time to go faster so it would all end. I guess it was because we’ve been placed in new groups with total strangers and we haven’t warmed to each other yet. Anyway, I was placed into Group 17. On the first day, we gathered around and introduced ourselves and then we decided on the group name. Our group color was orange…so we called ourselves the "Orange Utans". Actually…I suggested it. Lol. But they liked it. Hehe.
I was wrong about the rooms. I mean the roommates. We weren’t placed with total strangers, we got to bunk in with our schoolmates. Yay! I got a room together with Jega and Jie Yi. And I slept on the top bunk of the double decker bed. It wasn’t that bad, I actually liked it a little. Haha. Oh yeah…about our hostels…it was kinda horrid. The bathrooms actually. There were coackroaches crawling around the place…eww. Coackroaches and girls don’t go along very well with each other. So we could hear screams from the bathroom every now and then. I screamed a few times myself. There was once when I was going to brush my teeth, I went to one of the sinks and reach to turn on the tap. I got a fright and screamed when I saw a coakroach in the sink. I kinda panicked a little and dropped my special toothbrush for my braces into the sink. (>.<) I had to throw the head of the toothbrush away.
Hmm yeah…I met a few of my ex-primary schoolmates there. One of them was in my group, she was older than me a year so I think maybe she couldn’t really remember me but we got on alright. My group members were alright except maybe for a few members who were a little quiet and well…I don’t know…not very friendly?
As a group, we had this task of acting out a commercial of an item we picked out from a bag. Our group got pepper spray and we had to use a folding fan as one of our props. Our plot was well…quite simple. This girl and her group of friends were out shopping, gossiping, etc. and suddenly this rapist appears. The group of friends screams and runs away leaving one girl behind. She takes out her old "X" branded pepper spray and try to attack the rapist. But it doesn’t work…so then the scene freezes…someone would appear out of nowhere and introduce the "Orange Utans" brand pepper spray and place it in the girl’s hands. Then the scene would unfreeze and now the girl is able to attack the rapist with her new "Orange Utans" brand pepper spray. Yeah…that’s what our plot’s about. But the main girl is actually a guy dressed like a girl. I don’t know why but a lot of other groups did the same thing. They dress guys as girls. Lol. I don’t understand why they like doing it. But there was this group, Krystine’s group, who got the same exact items as we did. So they too got a guy to act as a girl. I have to say that I was impressed by the guy’s acting. That guy won the best actor prize. The funniest part is during the end when he did this girlish dancing, spinning thing saying "buy our product today, or not i will call you gay". Haha. That was really hilarious.
On the second day, we had to go through several talks. Well…I don’t really like saying this but some of them were rather dull. Especially the one about "How Education Is Important Towards Nation Building". The speaker said too that it was a rather heavy and boring subject. A few Interactors actually went to sleep. Haha. Oh well. But later that day during the night, was the time when all the groups had to perform their 1 minute commercial. They were all rather funny…enjoyed it very much. And yeah…the foreign exchange students did a little performance too. The Brazilian students sang a few songs for us. The Brazilian guy was a pretty good guitar player and singer. Did I mention that he looks very much like the football player Ronaldinho? Except that he has better teeth and looks better. Anyway I’ll post pictures at the end of this post.
After that there was a live band performance. I’m not exactly sure what’s the name of the band but I heard that it was The Japans. Don’t ask me why they chose that name. They played a few songs for us…about 5. The first was Kau Ilhamku, then a chinese song followed by Mungkin Nanti and What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes. Initially they only planned to play four songs but the crowd asked for more…so they came back with one last song, Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You. It was pretty okay their performance.
The last day. It was sad. During the closing ceremony I felt like crying…my eyes got all teary. I was starting to have fun but it had to end. It’s always unfairly that way. When the fun finally starts, it has to end already. The day started with a couple of talks. It wasn’t that boring. And then we had this business game. My friends and I lost. (>.<) Oh well. Tokens of appreciation were given out to the speakers, Rotarians and Rotracters by the District Governer, Dato’ Jimmy Lim. I like him…in fact all the speakers and Rotracters too. He had us sing this farewell song, When Will I See You Again. It’s an old song, I think almost everyone has heard of it. There was confetti at the end and seeing it all end made me tear up again. Pictures taken by the Rotracters will be sent to us via email. I hope I get mine soon.
So that’s all I guess. There’s so much more that I can’t write it out. We took more pics during the last day, of our rooms, bathrooms, ourselves, the foreign exchange students, and lots more. Okay, I know you’re dying to see the pictures. =P
Here:
Our sleeping place. I slept at the top bunk.
The other bed in the room but no one slept in it. Jega and Jie Yi slept together in one bed.
The bed in CM’s, Seow Teng’s and Krystine’s room.
Study table in our room. Kinda messy and infested with ants actually. =S
The horrible toilets.
One of the shower cubicle. Look how irresponsible some of the girls are. =.=
Aaahh! Look! Coakroachh!
The guy from Brazil performing. I forgot his name. Lol.
All the foreign students performing for us.
The six of us in the auditorium during the closing ceremony.
All members of the Interact Club of my school who went for the conference.
Us with the District Representative from Rotract Club of Bangsar, Mr Chandrasegaran and our teacher advisor, Sir Willeam.
Another pic of us but without CM and Seow Teng with Mr Chandra and the President of Rotract Club of Kelana Jaya, Bernard Hor. I kinda like him…he looks very familiar to me but I don’t know where I’ve seen him. And that’s where we stayed, in College 3.
Outside our rooms with Jega, Jie Yi and Me. Don’t mind my silly pose.
Haha…you know we were like dying to take pictures with the foreign exchange students especially the guy from Mexico and the German guy. And guess what? We did!
Sadly, this picture didn’t turn out right because the light overhead and you can’t really see me there! Haha. The guys were all sweaty…I could smell their sweat…not that it smelled bad. Hehe. The first and third guy in the pic are from Germany, second and fourth from Brazil, the fifth guy from Mexico and the girl beside Krystine is from Japan.
The Brazilian guy who looked amazingly like Ronaldinho but better. He had his arm on my shoulder!
And lastly, my favourite one. Because Karl looks totally gorgeous in this one. Take a look.
I just love the way Karl looks in this picture. He didn’t do it on purpose actually. He kinda have this habit of flicking his hair coz’ it’s always getting into his eyes. So I think the camera caught him in mid-flick of his hair. I wanted to stand beside the Mexican guy…but Krystine got there first =( But I got to smell his perfume…hehe.
I forgot to bring my camera so we had to use Wei Hong’s camera. Too bad…I didn’t get to take much pictures. But at least I got pictures with the foreign students. =P
And yeah! Did I mention that Jie Yi was in the same group with Karl?! That lucky girl! She even got his number!!! I’m so gonna get it from her.
I guess this is all I have at the moment. When I get the pictures taken by Jie Yi’s phone and also those sent by the Rotracters, I’ll post them up. =)
D3300 INTERACT CONFERENCE 2006/2007
Omg…tomorrow’s the day! It’s the Interact Conference for district 3300! We’ve been waiting for this since August. Initially the date was 24th November to 26th November, but it got postponed to 8th December to 10th December…which means tomorrow! Yesterday we went out shopping just to get some clothes for the conference since it’s stated no shorts or sleeveless shirts or whatever that’s not a T-shirt. I only have like one proper long pants to wear…so I went out yesterday with the girls and CM and I got the same pants except it’s different color. Haha. But people won’t notice it’s the same ‘coz it’s not very obvious.
I’m not really sure what to bring. So far I’ve got one packed suitcase and a half-packed backpack. I keep thinking that I forgot something. I don’t know. What if I really did? Hmm…maybe I should make a checklist.
- Clothes - done
- Underwear - done
- Towel - done
- Bedsheets - done
- Blanket - done
- Pillow - done
- Toothpaste/toothbrush - done
- Shampoo/soap/cleanser - done
- Socks - done
- Writing materials - done
- Sneakers - done
- Slippers - done
- Water bottle - done
- IC, money - done
- Comb, mirror, lipbalm, mascara, etc. - done
- Face towel - done
- Tissues - done
- Wristwatch - done
- Hair scrunchies, bands etc. - done
- Walkie-talkie watch - done
- MP3 player - done
Hmm…I can’t think of anything else. I think that’s pretty much what I need…not want. Well…considering I’ve lost my phone, I’ll have no way of contacting anyone. So pray I don’t get lost in the jungle surrounding UM or something.
I’m kinda nervous. Because members of Interact and Rotary Club from Alor Setar to Negeri Sembilan will be there. During a meeting with the Rotary Club a few months ago, the chairman said there’ll be around 1000 students. And out of the 1000 students I only know 8 of them whom are all from my school. Scary isn’t it. I’m not very good when it comes to meeting new people. I tend to embarrass myself a lot. Haha. Oh well…maybe there’ll be some people from my primary school.
I hope that I don’t get some really bitchy girl as my roommate. Or someone who’ll take up more than half the space given. They said it’ll be like four girls in a room. And I think there’ll be two bunk beds. I hope I don’t get the top bunk (>.<)
We’ll be joining students from Yu Hua and we’ll go together by train. I wonder how we’re gonna get into them with our suitcases and all. It’ll be pretty squashy.
Hmm…I did mention there’ll be about 1000 students right… Hehe surely out of the 1000 students there’ll be a few of cute guys right? Maybe a few hundred? Lol. Whatever it is…I hope this won’t be one boring conference ‘coz I’ve been waiting for this for such a long time. I think I should probably head to bed now. Should get myself enough rest for tomorrow. Goodnight.
Unavoidable/unalterable Misfortune
Sometimes it’s quite amazing you know. Being able to dream about the future. I’ve had this gift since I was very young. It’s not very uncommon, quite a lot of people have this too. More than twice I have dreamt of the future. With the exact place, time, situation and all. Sometimes it’s kinda freaky you know. Like I had this dream where my grandma passed away. My family and I were in the kitchen talking about granny. And after a few months when my granny really did passed away, we had the same exact conversation in the kitchen. It’s…weird. Sometimes I’m a little scared of it myself.
Recently, I had a few dreams in which certain things always happen. It was being bitten by dogs. I had several dreams of being bitten by dogs and the most recent, which happened only a few days ago was the freakiest. I woke up sweating and I immediately went online to search for the meaning. Most of them carry the meaning of being betrayed or tricked by a friend but there was this one website, it has the chinese meaning of it. Dreaming of being bitten by dogs says that you’ll be facing an unalterable misfortune, which mean unavoidable, unable to change the fact that it will happen. And guess what? I did have my misfortune. Although I kinda anticipated something worse.
I lost my phone. Someone stole it from me. That wretched, evil, heartless, greedy, perverted guy. I was in a train on the way back from Masjid Jamek to Bandar Tun Razak. I don’t exactly know which guy took it but there were a few Indonesian/Malay guys who came close to me and pressed themselves against me. So I guess that’s when they nicked my phone. I didn’t notice it was gone till like half an hour later when I wanted to call my mom. *sigh* I’m really upset about it. I really loved my phone. A lot. I loved it for the fact that it’s one of the most modify-able phones. Everything inside my phone is modified, so I doubt that cursed pickpocket will be able to sell it back because it’s no longer original. Unless of course he gets someone to flash it back to the original firmware. (>.<)
But what concerns me the most is my lost simcard. I’ve had that number for more than 3 years since my first phone. It’s so much more important to me than my phone. I hope I’ll be able to get a replacement from Maxis. I really need my number back. *sigh* And all my contacts and messages are gone. Plus all my music, pictures and videos in my phone. I really hate this. Why does it have to be my phone? Why not the money in my pocket? I had like RM150 in it. He should have taken that. =(
Though I have to say, I’m a little surprised my parents didn’t freak when I spilled the beans. I suppose it’s because I told them about my dreams a few days ago. At first I didn’t think of the dreams until my mom told me that this must be the unalterable misfortune. She said it was a relief that it was only my phone and not me being gang-raped or something. But still…he should have just taken the money.
Tomorrow I’ll be going out again…to the PC fair. Which reminds me, something hilarious happened today. My friends and I were walking through the crowd and suddenly this over-enthusiastic guy popped out with both his hands occupied with something I didn’t really see. He said "Hi!" in a very comical, funny and overly enthusiastic way. So for a moment we just stood there and I looked at him and said, "Yes?". Then for a split second we looked at each other and burst out laughing. My friends and his colleagues were all laughing too. He got kinda embarassed and sunk to the floor. Lol. That was funny.
But…that was before my little misfortune. Now I’m left contemplating over which phone I should get next. I don’t really have a specific phone in mind. I only have eyes for my stolen phone. Do you think I should get the same phone? Or maybe not… Maybe a change would be good. Whatever. Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be getting a phone yet. Somehow it feels liberating…for some reason. But the most important thing is to get a replacement for my simcard. Which mean I should go to sleep now. Tomorrow will be another tiring day at the PC fair. I’m helping CM pick up parts for her new PC. And she’s completely clueless about computers which makes things a tad more harder. Goodnight.
Pray that whoever took my phone will burn and rot in hell. Fuck him. Grrr…
