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I just realise this. I am anuptaphobic. Though it’s not that bad…I don’t really have any of the symtoms stated. Maybe occasionally yes. But this is the closest thing to what I am feeling. Anuptaphobia is the fear of staying single. I’ve been having this for a long time and I didn’t really realise it till now. I don’t know but…I just can’t…I mean I don’t know how to enjoy being single. When you are single you tend to fall for more people easier and faster. It starts quickly and ends quickly and most of the time you get rejected. I just hate this feeling. The feeling of being alone. That there’s no one there for you to hug when you need one. There’s no one who can comfort you when you need it. I don’t know. Why am I like this? It’s really suffering. I know I’m being a little emotional today but I just can’t help it. Maybe….maybe…it’s just PMS. *sigh* God, I feel terrible…I don’t feel happy. My heart’s all heavy…like it’s carrying a huge burden. Like the feeling you get when you worry so badly about something and it’s weighing you down. I know it’s only been a few months and I can’t really complain but still…the feeling…it’s like it’s been years. Why can’t I just be carefree and not such a……I don’t know. *sigh* Maybe I should just pamper myself with chocolates…. No, I can’t do that…it’ll ruin my diet. Argh….I neeeeeeed some distraction. I need to be distracted from all…..this. What can I do? There’s nothing for me to do. TV, movies, games…I’ve done that all. But it doesn’t lasts. I’ll feel sad again after it all ends. So what’s the best solution? Focus on people of the same sex? Make a vow of lifelong celibacy? End this miserable life of mine? Start being a polygamist? Hmm…all doesn’t seem to be do-able (at least by me) . *sigh* (again) Maybe this will just pass by …over time.
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